whiskey river soap

Grab the organic bug spray!

It's time to get back to nature. I've already packed the kombucha, the fruit leather, and the beet vodka. All we need now is some marshmallows, chocolate, graham crackers, decorative bunting, fairy lights, Nespresso, iPad, g Read more

Not me, pal. I'm 21. I've been 21 for years and I'm not about to make any abrupt changes now. Hey! Put that fancy calculator away. Don't you know I still shop at Forever 21? It's called that for a REASON. Now buy me a shot and shut your trap.

Sad Birth Read more

Messy desk. Books stacked everywhere. Dirty dishes. Fast food napkin collection. Fourteen cats. Random underwear in the driveway.... wait a second. Maybe these are just signs of an established hoarder....

Unopened Mr. Clean Scented
Net Weight: 6 oz
N Read more

Blue skies and cheap gossip.

There's really nothing like living in the small town where you grew up. Except maybe moving to a different small town. That way you can still enjoy the holiday parade of local politicians in halfway-decent convertibles and Read more

What's a good local IPA?

We know you. You're that know-it-all guy at the bar who won't stop talking about beer, beer, beer and more beer. In fact, I can't even get another lukewarm PBR down here because you're hogging the bartender's ear. You know he w Read more

Hey all you cool cats and kittens...

There's nothing better than memorializing the Spring of 2020 with your very own Soap for the Tiger King. But beware. We can't promise it won't attract tigers to your tasty limbs. Just ask Carole Baskin's husband, if Read more

Oh yay...

Another zoom meeting in ten minutes. I'm still on the one that started two hours ago and I don't think it's ever gonna end. How the heck am I supposed to refill my coffee mug with more whiskey now?
Net Weight: 6 oz
Note: Because all of our Read more

Awwwww...

I hear you're having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. It's 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin was the best gluten-free muffi Read more

It's a snow day somewhere...

But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go t Read more

Sup.

See that guy sitting poolside in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon like he doesn't have a care in the world? Yep, that's me. Okay, maybe I work two nights a week but I'm telling you, my wife pays all the bills. She's the breadwinner around here an Read more

Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just crawl back into bed and resume crying myself to sleep in my unused formal dress. Maybe watch another dystopian movie and wonder why everyone acts so surprised by this ubiquitous plot line

Net Weight: 6 oz
Note: Because Read more

Congratulations.

You're the world's okayest mom! I'd get you a mug except I swore off giving gifts years ago when one person from high school forgot to publicly wish me a "happy birthday" on Facebook and destroyed my love of holidays forever. But let's Read more

Hairball much?

Your cats are circling the tub, but don't count on them joining you unless you really are bathing in warm milk. And maybe you are. You cat people are cuh-razy. I should know. I have 14. What? Don't judge. My house may be full of hairball Read more